EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
