I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
