And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize