She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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