Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
