get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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