i just wanna soil my oats bro
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
