I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
