apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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