I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
