Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I believe in your delicious
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
