please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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