Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
