Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
