that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I smell stomach acid.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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