I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
