she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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