Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
