We won't sleep together?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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