she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm like, not good at living.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize