I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My boob is missing a layer of skin
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
