The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
