this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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