Christians are straight up FREAKS
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
