brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
