Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
