ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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