it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
