"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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