He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
