I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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