And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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