Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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