oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
