therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
