I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
