Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
