You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
