I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
