im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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