I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
