my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
