I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
