I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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