I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize