just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
