How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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