you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
