He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In America we eat man semen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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