I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
