He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
