You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
