I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
