Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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