I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
