Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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