So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There r osticjed everywhere
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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