Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
