exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
