This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
