I think I won the penis lottery.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
