Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
