I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night I used snow as a chaser
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize