the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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