I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can text with my tongue
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
