You made me cry and you don't even care
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
