I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
