taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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