this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
