im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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