Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
