You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
