how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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